While it seems like every other state in the country sells beer and wine in their grocery stores, Pennsylvania’s really antiquated laws concerning alcohol and its state-owned monopoly on liquor sales mean that PA grocers can’t. Even though you still need to go to a “state store” to buy a bottle of whiskey and a separate beer distributor to buy a case of beer, some Pennsylvania grocery stores now feature computerized “wine vending machines”. This may sound remarkably convenient, but don’t go thinking you can just put in a ten dollar bill, press D7, and have a bottle of Merlot to drop out of the bottom like a can of Sprite. The PLCB (Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board) doesn’t want it to be that convenient.

First of all, it is important to mention that not all grocery stores have these machines. In fact, hardly any of them do. If you do eventually encounter one, you’ll likely be surprised when you see the size of the contraption. Imagine four commercial refrigerator-sized cabinets with glass doors in a row, plus a kiosk and three or so large, high definition monitors perched on top of the whole thing. After you have scrolled through the touchscreen catalog of wines available and made your selection, you are then asked for your driver’s license or state-issued ID. When I say you’re asked, you are asked by a booming pre-recorded voice that seems to come from above or behind the machine, in addition to the on-screen written instructions.

After you insert your identification, the machine takes a moment to scan and analyze it before spitting it back out. Then you are asked to blow into an alcohol-detecting sensor. Beside the sensor is a small notice that essentially says that if you’ve recently used mouthwash or breath-freshener, maybe you should do some grocery shopping first and (I’m not making this up) get your wine on the way out. I don’t know why the sensor is calibrated to be so strict, especially since there is nothing of its kind at PLCB retail locations anyway. At any rate, after it has determined you’re not hammered in a grocery store and you insert payment, it informs you that a live representative will finish processing the sale. Then you notice that, behind the glass, there is also a camera embedded in the kiosk.

Somewhere in the state, there is a liquor control board official sitting in a room viewing the feeds from hundreds of closed circuit video cameras. They alone decide whether you get your booze or not. If everything goes right, the machine unlocks one of the doors and retracts a single hard plastic security tube, revealing your very own bottle of wine. That was easy, right? It only took about 3 or 4 more steps more than buying it at a store and a $1 “convenience fee” because, after all, this is all about convenience. In a little holder on the side of the machine there’s a stack of classy brown paper bags to put your bottle in.

This guest post has been provided by Nicolas D'Alleva. Nicolas is a wine lover and small business owner from Pennsylvania. Nicolas owns Specialty Answering Service a nationwide answering service and call center service. Specialty manages all type of inbound communications including offering voicemail services in addition to their live operator service.